You ever have the feeling you know what to do with your life but not quite sure how to do it or you feel like you’re stuck in some gross swamp concrete that holds you back ? I am stuck in the swamp I want out so bad but I can’t move. My life is a little restricted and I am not living in the woods in my little cabin like I would love to be doing. I am dealing with emotional immaturity. The kind where you want to shake the person and tell them to stop feeding you bullshit and tell the truth like an adult. Seems like most people I have come across are scared of anything that is real or might disrupt their sedentary lifestyle that they have sluggishly become so accustomed to.

Well I’m kinda fucking spastic. I don’t want fake or boring and slow. I want real and I am not scared to feel the real shit. I don’t know , Maybe I am just trying to kick over the pot and set the whole fucking house on fire. Keep digging and you will find something that stinks. And trust me I am a digger says the woman who dug her own swimming pool by hand ……

Not afraid to get dirty or hurt. So please spare me the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter. My kids are grown and moved out I am in my early forties and I feel like I’m wasting precious time that I could be enjoying. But I’m wasting it trying to help someone else deal with something that they are refusing to deal with. You think why not just walk away? Because it’s going to cost me an assload of money to walk away and I don’t have that amount yet to play around with. I will also let you know how much an assload comes out to be in American dollars when I find out .

I have had people tell me that I need to be patient and hold space for the people that are dicking me around. Well, I have held space for years and I am not a fucking storage unit. I’m getting old and I want to be living in a van down by the river. I feel like all this yuck affects my spiritual journey tremendously and may possibly be setting me back with the frustration and resentment I am showing signs of . And I also feel like I’m in a choose your own adventure book but someone tore out the adventures I could pick from so it’s just the first chapter of a shitty book with no future . Well my gosh that does sound depressing. I’m going to have to go rock hunting or something to make myself feel better, or go get donuts……